self care or selfishness?

bear with me and my jumbled thoughts here for a moment.

in various nursing classes, we've been reminded about self-care - taking care of yourself - and how nurses and nursing students are especially bad at it. students, with balancing group projects, required readings, exams, clinicals, part time jobs. nurses with crazy hours on top of everything else. and as a general rule, we have personalities where we like to care for others - and not just in the hospital - which sometimes means putting our own needs on the back burner. and this only increases for those who have children.

self-care. this is something i am trying to work on. the other day R pointed out how many times i've been sick over the last year. we try to eat right, but it's doesn't always happen. when the 12-pack of KD goes on sale for $6 and a pack of yummy no name brand weiners is only $1.15, who can refuse it? i try to get enough exercise, i'm up to walking 25 minutes (in the snow) 6 times/week. but that's just because i walk to school three days a week. i need to take better care of myself. i'm trying.

selfishness. this morning our pastor talked about a number of things. he pointed out various passages in the Bible that describe the devil's selfish nature - how he fights for glory, for our worship. he wants to be greater than God and he wants to draw us to him. when we are selfish, we are not bringing glory to God. when we turn our focus onto ourselves, we're turning our focus away from God, which is what the devil wants. we're opening the back door and letting him in, so to speak.

this certainly does not mean that we should neglect ourselves and our own needs. absolutely not. i think that God wants us to take care of ourselves, since we are his creation and he loves us. i do believe that God wants what is best for us. and if it's in our power to care for ourselves better, then we should.

i am convinced that self-care and selfishness are not the same thing. but where's the line between them? when am i taking care of myself, having some "me time", giving myself a break? and when is it laziness, only thinking of me and my wants, putting myself ahead of everyone & everything else? perhaps when i let the dishes pile up while i sit at the computer wasting my life on facebook, 20 minutes at a time, while my hard-working, first-year-teacher husband plugs away at his desk, prepping for the next day... or perhaps when i'm heading out the door to Day 18 (no joke) of visiting with family within 3.5 weeks over christmas, perhaps i can put a smile on my face and remind myself how blessed i am to have family who likes to hang out. but where's the line? i like to scrapbook to relax, to let the creative juices flow a little bit. but it's not a right, it's a privilege. with our free cable, it's very easy to get lazy. homework gets neglected. but my GPA is still right up there, so does it matter? well, yeah, it does. i don't want to be lazy... that's selfishness. but relaxing every once in awhile IS allowed. for my palliative care clinical last october, on top on the usual personal and professional goals we had to make for ourselves, we had to make one self-care goal. mine was simple. i was only allowed to watch tv shows that i felt were worth watching (ie. R and i watch the amazing race together every sunday), and if i felt like i was wasting my time, i needed to turn the tv off. okay i don't watch as much tv as i'm making it sound, but that's just an example.

where is the balance? that's what i'm trying to figure out. i want to bring glory to God with my life. i'm just trying to figure out how to take care of myself without putting myself first.