keep on learning

i've been working as a grad nurse now for all of 2 weeks. "how is it going?" i keep getting asked. "what's it like to not be a student anymore?" well, it's weird. i like it, but i don't really know what's expected of me. i spent 3 months working on this ward already, so i'm quite comfortable there. but i still can't really handle a full patient load on my own. i've done it a few times, but those have been very exhausting experiences, with my patients getting perhaps less than the quality care that they deserve. but see, i'm still supposed to be getting "orientated" to the ward. new nurses get a number of weeks of orientation. i got 2 days. i'm still technically in orientation, but i'm on my own, not buddied with anyone. do i know what i am doing? for the most part. when i don't know what i'm doing, do i ask someone? absolutely. if there's one thing i learned as a student, it's that you simply must abandon any hesitation, risk looking stupid, and just ask. ask a million questions, if you can think of that many. most people expect students to ask questions. of course, there are those out there who will make you feel stupid, and you quickly learn to avoid speaking to them at all. i have been blessed to be working on a ward with fantastic nurses. in all my training, i've never met such a great staff as the staff i work with now.

but i'm not a student anymore.

i still don't really know what's expected of me. yeah, i've been around for 3 months, but i'm still new at this! i have no idea how long i am being "oriented" for either, nor what that really means for me. i'm still just trying to understand and remember all the new things that i continue to learn each day. i feel like since i'm not a student anymore, i maybe shouldn't have so many questions. or maybe soon people will start saying, "she's been here for how long and doesn't know that yet?" whatever. i'm not a student. i'm not an RN. not until after the exam in october anyways. i'm a grad nurse. let me keep on learning.