"...this is what you have to look forward to...." this phrase, laced with sarcasm, is heard repeatedly by the Pregnant Woman. why is it that people feel they need to so frequently remind us how *terrible* child-rearing is. a mom is trying to soothe her wailing infant, she turns to me. "this is what you have to look forward to." a woman is pushing her shopping cart, trying to restrain her toddler from pulling groceries off the shelf and diverting attention to avoid another tantrum. she looks at my belly. "this is what you have to look forward to." a colleague arrives to the staff Christmas party a half hour late, struggling to carry her potluck dish, diaper bag and the 18 lbs of carseat and baby. "this is what you have to look forward to."
it's enough to make the Pregnant Woman petrified. thankfully, i can honestly say that i am not petrified, not in the least. becuase i know that there are moments (there must be moments) that make it all worth it. there must be, you know, otherwise there would be no such thing as siblings. gazing down at that sweet little thing, after he settles down, watching him sleep. or those tiny fingers curling around one of your own, gripping tightly, jabbing your finger into his mouth to be gummed. or watching your baby learn to sit. walk. learn the alphabet. talk to Jesus.
why do mothers not feel so free to tell me, "you know, they can drive you crazy sometimes, but the overwhelming love that you feel for them is something that you couldn't imagine before you knew them. this is what you have to look forward to." i have heard this a few times and as a Pregnant Woman it has brought tears to my eyes. but i have not heard it nearly enough. may i be the kind of mommy who is quick to remember my blessings even during the rough days.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
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12 comments:
it's not just moments that make it worth while- although those come more than not!! You are gonna be such a great momma. Sure there are times where life is overwhelming. Just be soo very thankful that you are having one at a time!! I'll let you spend some time with my wonderful kids adn you can see "What you have to look forward to"! (You'll LOVE it!)
I will admitt that I have never said "this is what you have to look forward too" I have made alot of comments about pregancy sucking and that they must be looking forward to it being out. I love my kids and I know that they all have their moments that I don't like, but they also have the good ones. My 3 year old daughter just started to talk to Jesus on her own with her own thoughts and it is the most precious beautiful thing I have ever seen or heard. Think of that as you finish this pregnancy and go through labour. It helps. You are going to be a great mom.
You just have to be the kind of mommy that truly enjoys and embraces every moment. Everyone always tells me "enjoy it, it will be gone soon", and looking back I can genuinely say I enjoyed it to the fullest and still do. Of course there are hard times, but that's because Jesus is refining ME to be a better mommy. Most of the women who snicker with sarcasm are just trying to cover their own embarassment orfind a friend in it all. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders though- and an excellent marriage. Those will help you enjoy it to the fullest because every day is truly a joy.
-brittanie braun
There are sure some hard days and it's hard to find creative ways to parent and discipline at this age. Yet it's also a beautiful age where his imagination is running wild and I am loving his questions and his curiosity. I love my son and I love hearing, "Mommy, I love you more than doggy and teddy!"
I remember thinking along the same lines when I was pregnant and to be perfectly honest I haven't really felt that way much. Sure Alexis can push my buttons but I just am so thankful for her and I love being her mom so much that it makes those times pass quickly. You really do love that little person more than words can ever explain. It brings tears to my eyes to just think about how much I love her. Thanks for the good reminder and I will think remember that the next time I talk to a pregnant friend :) You are going to be such a great mom!
I think those comments can sometimes come out of coping with the moment- for the person in the moment, Surely not helpful for the one waiting to be in that moment... but I think they are fairly real comments. I try not to say things like that, but in honesty, sometimes a little sarcastic humorous comment can really help get through another temper tantrum (we're basically through those but we are looking forward to more (-: )or sometimes from just being tired when your whole day revolves around the kids, even when honestly there's no other place you'd sooner be. And no, I don't think I am skipping over my daily blessings... even though I am living for the moment that P & M are in our home... And even though I too am sick of the "just wait..." comments about adding two at a time (hey Kerri- why'd my own sis say it's good it's not 2??!!) and about all the other things that come with adoptions.
But do remember your many blessings, even in those rough moments...becasue the blessings are so what make it worth it!
Ramona
Your thoughts are truly beautiful. It is a blessing just thinking about your outlook and perspective on what parenting should be all about.
Dad
Amen, sister!
I had lunch today with someone Bo has worked with a lot. She's pretty pregnant with her second child, and she has the coolest outlook about being a mom. When she's away for work (she lives in Van but is here from time to time) she keeps looking at pics and video of her little girl on her iPhone, not because she thinks she's the cutest thing ever (although she does), but because she's so amazed that something as amazing as that little girl could have come out of her. She finds it unreal, but awesome, that this tiny person was made inside her. It was a great conversation! Another friend of mine has a 2 year old who has always been one of those more needy kids, and just had her second. She has a very cool livejournal about being a mom, and no matter how much her kids exhaust and exasperate her, she believes she is the luckiest mom ever.
I'll agree that you're probably getting the moms at their most frustrated. Kids are a handful, but you're going to be a great mom and you'll find lots of awesome things that will make you love yours like crazy.
I agree. You're going to be great parents and when you become "grand" ones you'll be amazed as to how quickly life flashed by and that it was really the fun & good times that you shared as a family that you'll remember the most.......the other stuff was only temporary and now just a vague memory if any memory at all : ) Kids are truly a treasured miracle.
Love you, BC Mom
Jules, I actually had tears streaming down my face as I read your post. BEAUTIFUL. Wow. Being a mom is so many things. It has stirred up emotions and feelings inside of me that I never knew I had. The love I have for Finn runs deeper than any love I've ever known. It's different than anything too. Different from the love I feel for Warren, for my family, etc. Finnley is a PART of me. She lived inside of me for months... and now she's a bubbly, hilarious ball of sillyness that bounces around my house every day with me. She's incredible. There's times where I just sit and watch her - when she doesn't know I'm watching her - and just cry out of pure joy. I'm blessed. How did I get so lucky? My heart is so full. I know that pregnancy isn't an assumed right and that not every woman gets to experience it, and so I've been given a gift. CHERRISH this last bit of pregnancy you have left. ENJOY it. And when people gripe and mutter negatives at you about being a mom, know in your heart that though there WILL be frustrating, sleepless, irritating times.... nothing (and I mean NOTHING) compares with the gift of being a mom. You are seriously gonna love it and I can't WAIT for you to experience it all. I'm inspired by you today.
Yes, Julia...It is Martz...
You did find me, and that's interesting that your mom made that comment about us.
I loved your post...
I intentionally ignored all the negative stuff that people said to me about having children...
I surrounded my self with people who absolutely loved their kids and I found some older friends who really encouraged me through those years.
You have a wonderful family and I can only imagine them surrounding you both and blessing you and the wee little one.
I will continue to watch your blog and look forward to hearing about your life.
Martz
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