brown leather. a bit of class.
new pillows made by moi.



and yes, the pillows with the designs are fuzzy.

a new perspective on poo

i've had 4 days on the palliative care ward and i've learned a lot already. It is the small things in life that really matter. it's so rewarding - the smile when i wrapped my patient in blankets (straight from the blanket warmer) after giving her a bath in the giant tub in the tubroom (bubbles and jazz music included). the bony handshake at the end of the day as we say goodnight. the inevitable "thank you julia" as i help in the bathroom. recognizing when the pain meds just aren't cutting it anymore and bringing it to the attention of the doctor. these are the things that matter in life.

i don't like poo. more specifically, i don't like bum-wiping. on babies, it's not as bad, but on adults... the other day i had the opportunity to help a colleague clean up her patient, and his bed, which was covered with poo. i described this gag-inducing experience and my reaction in my journal that i weekly hand in to my instructor. she understood, of course, and gave me some really good advice.

the advice came to mind the next day as i was with a patient in the bathroom. when she thanked me for helping her do up her pants, i realized that she cannot do something so simple as this... by herself. she needs me. and i have the opportunity to rid her of her discomfort, of her potential embarrassment. she is in need and i can help. i can make a very important difference in her life right at this moment.

it's those little things again that make the difference. i think i may just be gaining a new perspective on poo.

blame it on the weather

it was thanksgiving. i am thankful for a lot of things. but really... honestly... truly.... i haven't been feeling very thankful or very positive at all ever since.... i guess ever since school started. or maybe it was when we moved. i don't know.
i don't like 4th year. i'm in 3 classes right now, my palliative care class is good, mental health has the potential to be really interesting but instead is rather dull, and my communities class is agonizingly boring. i sit in class and by the end it's literally mentally agonizing for me to keep sitting there listening and doing everything in my power to not run out screaming or crying or something and unfortunately i have 3 hours of mental health AFTER this class. now that clinical has started, my life will be filled with more work and more stress, but that's okay. those 4 weeks without clinical were nice, but the days get really long when i'm home all day and then when R finally comes home, he goes into his study to do marking and prep for the next day. i miss him. it's not his fault and we knew it would be this way. we're working on it.

the weather has been cloudy and wet for days. i'm almost looking forward to winter when we have endless blue skies. i can't stand perpetual cloudiness and rainyness.

i'm fighting a cold. i've been fighting it since last week, some days it's there, some days it's not.

i stayed up late last night studying for my midterm today and also writing personal, professional and self-care goals for clinical. ugh. the only thing i hate more that making goals is self-evaluating them later.

it's funny. at school today i was talking with my friends and a bunch of them are feeling the exact same way. one girl said that she hates the way her life is right now. i couldn't disagree. i said that sometimes i wonder if it's even worth getting this stupid degree. maybe i should just drop out and have babies.

so that's me. that's what's going on in my little brain.

but i am thankful. i am thankful for the gorgeous colours outside. i am thankful for the combination of the smell of coffee and of chai tea that currently permeates our little home, for our very good friends in our Bible study who are coming over tomorrow, for that R likes his job, for the "A " i just got on the test i wrote last week, and that we have a cozy warm place to call our own. i am thankful for my fantastic husband who cares for me so patiently and lovingly even when - especially when - i'm cranky and not fun to be around. and i'm thankful for my God, that he is ever faithful, that no matter how down i am feeling, no matter how far i wander from his care, his loving arms are waiting there, wide open to take me back.

and just hold me.

jammed it full of fun

palliative: 1. relieving or alleviating without curing. 2. an agent that alleviates or eases a painful or uncomfortable condition.

today was my last day of freedom. tomorrow i begin a new clinical rotation. i'm going to be in palliative care - comfort care - for patients who are dying. it should be a very interesting time. i'm a little nervous, as i always am before i start a new rotation, but everyone that i've talked to who has gone through their palliative rotation has actually enjoyed it. so i may be a little bit excited too.

when i realized that this last week was going to be my last week with a few days off in the middle, i jammed it full of fun. i got to spend some more time with rachel, my very amazing friend, and her little guy who also happens to be my favorite 11 month old boy in the world. the thing about rachel is that she's so incredibly encouraging. and she encourages the creativeness in me. for example, after hanging out with her last time, i came home with a bunch of beautiful new fabric - enough to make about 9 new pillows for the new couch that we haven't even bought yet! ha! i love you rachel!!

then on thursday i got to hang out with my fav cousin kerri and her 2 kids. it was blast. for part of the day, we went over to erin's place. okay, i love kids, but i'm not really used to being around 5 of them at once, well not 5 under the age of 6. crazy! (i still had a good time guys, honestly!) it was so good to see kerri again, after 3 long years of being kerri-less.

alas, it is almost bedtime and i've got some stuff to do before the morrow comes to bring me a new clinical experience yet again...

just the thing to ease the pms cravings....

R and i went on a date last night. it was super nice outside so we decided to go for a walk and went to our usual date place (i mean besides the cheap theater). we realized, as i dove into my georgia mud fudge and R into his cotton candy blizzard, that we've been going to this dairy queen for over 4 years now. it's our little place! we have a place!
i think we'll actually miss walking to this little place after i graduate and we move away. and then one day when we have some kids and we drive into the city, as we go past this place we will tell them every single time, "Oh look kids! This is where your dad and I would go on dates when we were newlyweds! ...Oh and there's our first home! And just over there is where we went to university. We would walk to school you know. That was before hover skateboards were invented. Have we ever told you that before?" And we'll say this every time.

so now you ask how we can afford such luxuries as dairy queen blizzards. well, if you're asking that, then apparently you're not part of the blizzard fan club, in which case you need to go straight here and sign up. seriously, do it now. they give you bogo coupons on your birthday, on valentines day and on many other random times throughout the year. we've eaten a lot of free blizzards.
mmmmm... icecream.....

very exciting.....

turn on your speakers and click here.

me me me

i've been tagged by kerri and by a lot of other people in the past. so here are 8 random things about me:


1) i don't like doing these things. and i don't think i've ever filled out one of those "all about me" email forwards. but i've been tagged so many times i thought i had better do it finally. and because i like to talk about me.

2) this weekend i rediscovered the le chateau outlet store and bought 2 sweaters for a total of $20 and i love them. unfortunately when i got home i discovered a small hole in one of them and i'm not sure what to do about it since it looks like if it gets disturbed, the whole sweater may unravel. hmmm. and there's a no-return policy at the outlet store. so.... $10 sweater huh?

3) i think i still really want to be an obstetrical nurse. at the barbeque at church yesterday i was talking with a nurse who works at women's and a very pregnant woman while we were in line for our food. our discussion was about things and body parts that generally people don't talk about in public. especially in line for a barbeque. especially with random strangers. and i loved it.

4) i love cotton candy. i was reminded of that too at the barbeque yesterday.

5) i'm a little homesick. i miss our old apartment even though this one is bigger and has more fun things like a washer, dryer, dishwasher, an office and a fireplace. but it's not home. so i don't like it yet. but i will yet.

6) R and i love being child-free. that said, when i'm in superstore and i happen to wander away from the food section into the clothing section, i have a really tough time pulling myself away from the adorable little baby clothes. in fact, the last time i was drawn into the baby section for no reason, i ended up buying the cutest little outfit. i'm thinking that between the all of our friends who are expecting (there are currently 4 of such couples), one of them is going to have a little girl who will be oh so cute in it! i know, i'm terrible.

7) today i walked home from school in the rain. fortunately, i had an umbrella with me. unfortunately, it had 3 large holes in it. when i got home, i changed into a pair of cozy sweats, made hot chocolate and watched some free cable.

8) when i was at bethany, my friends and i would frequently make peanut butter and honey "sandwiches" with soda crackers as a snack. i had some today with my hot chocolate. i like to squeeze the crackers together to make the pb&h ooze out of the holes.

there you have it. that's me, in a nut shell.

and i will not post the rules. and i will not tag anyone.