first day

i just got home from my first day of clinical. i think it's going to be a really good rotation. it seems that with pediatrics, they only have 1 or 2 medical conditions as apposed to the elderly who generally have at least 18. our instructor seems really good, easy to talk to. and i have a really good group of colleagues too. there was a chance that tomorrow i was going to help with a gastric wash (put a tube down a baby's nose and suck out some snot for testing), something that we have not learned in school yet. but now i won't be, for various reasons. but as it would have been my 2nd day of clinical, i would have expected myself to have been scared of doing something like that. but i wasn't. i was getting excited. last night before we went to sleep, R prayed that i would be excited about clinical, that i would look forward to it, be the highlight of my week. what an interesting idea.... see, i think i always viewed it wrong -it was a long day, with a lot new things to know and do in a new environment where i was supposed to act 'professional' and know what i was doing. with a lot of ways to learn new things. but i need to get excited to learn, and to learn how to relax. i've never really been truly comfortable in any of my clinical placements -- too much info and too many new and different things. and i think my groups have been made up of people who made it difficult to be myself. as in, i needed to be loud and boisterous just to be heard, sometimes just to get a word in to my instructor, as i didn't want to come across as shy and insecure (as i am really none of those) to my peers or esp my instructor.

but i think this time will be different. i'm ready to learn. i'm ready to step out and do things that i'm uncomfortable doing. you know the feeling when you're the newbie at work, and everything is new and awkward. and then one day, when there's someone newer than you, you realize how comfortable and quick and good you've become. well, i can't wait for that. every new clinical rotation we have, we're the newbies. we don't know what's going on. and if we do, it's only in theory, because we haven't had the experience to be any good yet. and by the time we've done something a handful of times, it's time to move onto something new. but i'll be in peds twice a week, for 9 weeks. hopefully by the end, i'll have a grasp on something!