life lesson

i've been doing a lot of thinking lately. we recently learned that my opa has pancreatic cancer. yeah.... not so good. when i found out i wasn't really surprised, since he had been sick for quite awhile and they couldn't figure out why. i was a bit sad, but i was mostly angry. this is my opa! this isn't some case study that we're learning about in class. this isn't a some cold, clinical description in a textbook. this isn't even one of my patients in the hospital. this is my opa.

i was mad. "why now?" i thought. at the time, i was extremely excited about our new house, extremely overwhelmed with school projects, and extremely hopeful for my upcoming graduation. so now i need to be extremely angry and disappointed and sad?? why now?

then i realized that... why not now? honestly, there is NEVER a good time to find out that someone you love is dying of cancer. so, why not now? when would be an appropriate time?

there is a semi-appropriate time to learn certain life lessons, and that is at the beginning of a new career. throughout my time as a student nurse, i have known that my patients weren't just patients - that they were people with a history and a family and friends. i was told that repeatedly and saw it when i talked with family members. but there's knowing something, and then there's KNOWING something. did i really KNOW it, really understand it? now, with my opa, i am really learning that lesson. to his careproviders, he may be just another cancer patient. but he's my grandpa. every single one of my patients is somebody's grandpa, somebody's mother, somebody's son, daughter, husband, wife. and i knew that, but now i understand it. now is a very good time for me to learn this lesson and i plan to take this with me throughout my nursing career.