waiting...

i'm having a lot of trouble enjoying "right now". you know how things can get when you're looking forward to the future, waiting for exciting - and also scary - things to happen. Well, i'm at that point again. or still. i'm not sure.

the house - we're still waiting for the hole to be dug. what's up with that? there's puddles and grass outside. come one, let's get digging!! so.... that's in waiting.

school - i have 2 group projects/presentations left, and after this thursday they will be DONE FOREVER!! for one of them, we made a video, which i was going to edit. unfortunately, we've had a crazy time with the files and stuff. R tried so many things and he's finally got it to a point where the computer will recognize the files, but now the sound is totally off. ack! but it will work out somehow....
for the other group project, we've had a lot of issues with our instructors (all 3 of them) giving us different info and unfair marking schemes, etc. i will not get into that right now, because i don't want to get all worked up about it again, so late in the evening. :) i will say that i think this is the worst class i've ever had in university (maybe even worse than stats!) and we're all very much looking forward to the course evaluation that we get to do on the last day of classes. hahaha.... so anyways, i hate school right now. just 3 weeks to go. just gotta wait it out.

senior practicum - ah yes. that's still coming after these classes are done. and i thought it was all worked out, but i was surprised and really really disappointed to hear that i did not get my first choice on the surgery/obstetrics ward that i have been excited about for awhile now. my course leader was surprised too, since earlier this year they had told her that they would love to have 2 students. i had come to a point where that's all i wanted to do. so, monday was a tough day for me - after my initial reaction of throwing myself on the floor, crying, and repeating "what now? what now?"... to spending a lot of time thinking.... what kind of nurse do i want to be? i thought i knew, but suddenly i felt like i was now told that i couldn't do that. do i even want to be a nurse? maybe not..... wait... yeah, i think i still do. but what kind.... i don't know anymore. don't worry, i'm much better now. i've come to my senses and realized that just because i can't do my practicum there, doesn't mean that i'll never work there, doesn't mean that i'll never help deliver babies or help a new mom care for her new little peanut. in the past i've had strong words when people complain that it's going to be too hard to find nursing jobs in the specialty area where they want to work. i always said that you just can't be so picky as a new grad, just start somewhere and work your way towards what you really want to do. well, here i am. i'm eating my own words. and now instead of being excited and nervous and trying to get ready for my practicum, i'm just waiting to find out where it'll be.

just waiting.