Plan B

so.... i didn't get my first choice for my practicum on surgery/obstetrics. i'm going to be on the general medicine ward, with about 2 weeks of ER in there too. and i was starting to be okay with that.

but then yesterday i found out that the other girl who asked for it, got it. hmmmm. i thought that they weren't taking either of us. i'm not very impressed. "i want it more than she does!" i feel like shouting. "why did she get it! it's not fair!"

but i won't shout that because i was already starting to be okay with Plan B. and so now that she got it, suddenly i'm not okay with Plan B anymore?

i know, i know, a medicine background is a great thing. and i certainly don't need to work there when i'm done if i hate it. but who knows, maybe i'll realize that i was made to be an ER nurse.

looking at the practicum list, i see some people signed up for crazy things like "wound care team" and "children's OR". part of me is a little jealous that they know what they want (and that they got it). but a stronger part of me knows that they're really limiting themselves by doing that - not that that's a bad thing if that's what they really want to do. but then you need to work in that area later. i know i can still go anywhere with a bit of extra medicine training. ha.... i say "extra" as if i have any. the thing is, i've never even done adult medicine. during our medicine rotation, i was at the children's hospital that's a whole different story. this makes me a little nervous.

anyways, a bunch of you were asking where this was at, and so here it is. not great. not bad. not very exciting either. but this is where i sit for now.

waiting...

i'm having a lot of trouble enjoying "right now". you know how things can get when you're looking forward to the future, waiting for exciting - and also scary - things to happen. Well, i'm at that point again. or still. i'm not sure.

the house - we're still waiting for the hole to be dug. what's up with that? there's puddles and grass outside. come one, let's get digging!! so.... that's in waiting.

school - i have 2 group projects/presentations left, and after this thursday they will be DONE FOREVER!! for one of them, we made a video, which i was going to edit. unfortunately, we've had a crazy time with the files and stuff. R tried so many things and he's finally got it to a point where the computer will recognize the files, but now the sound is totally off. ack! but it will work out somehow....
for the other group project, we've had a lot of issues with our instructors (all 3 of them) giving us different info and unfair marking schemes, etc. i will not get into that right now, because i don't want to get all worked up about it again, so late in the evening. :) i will say that i think this is the worst class i've ever had in university (maybe even worse than stats!) and we're all very much looking forward to the course evaluation that we get to do on the last day of classes. hahaha.... so anyways, i hate school right now. just 3 weeks to go. just gotta wait it out.

senior practicum - ah yes. that's still coming after these classes are done. and i thought it was all worked out, but i was surprised and really really disappointed to hear that i did not get my first choice on the surgery/obstetrics ward that i have been excited about for awhile now. my course leader was surprised too, since earlier this year they had told her that they would love to have 2 students. i had come to a point where that's all i wanted to do. so, monday was a tough day for me - after my initial reaction of throwing myself on the floor, crying, and repeating "what now? what now?"... to spending a lot of time thinking.... what kind of nurse do i want to be? i thought i knew, but suddenly i felt like i was now told that i couldn't do that. do i even want to be a nurse? maybe not..... wait... yeah, i think i still do. but what kind.... i don't know anymore. don't worry, i'm much better now. i've come to my senses and realized that just because i can't do my practicum there, doesn't mean that i'll never work there, doesn't mean that i'll never help deliver babies or help a new mom care for her new little peanut. in the past i've had strong words when people complain that it's going to be too hard to find nursing jobs in the specialty area where they want to work. i always said that you just can't be so picky as a new grad, just start somewhere and work your way towards what you really want to do. well, here i am. i'm eating my own words. and now instead of being excited and nervous and trying to get ready for my practicum, i'm just waiting to find out where it'll be.

just waiting.

life lesson

i've been doing a lot of thinking lately. we recently learned that my opa has pancreatic cancer. yeah.... not so good. when i found out i wasn't really surprised, since he had been sick for quite awhile and they couldn't figure out why. i was a bit sad, but i was mostly angry. this is my opa! this isn't some case study that we're learning about in class. this isn't a some cold, clinical description in a textbook. this isn't even one of my patients in the hospital. this is my opa.

i was mad. "why now?" i thought. at the time, i was extremely excited about our new house, extremely overwhelmed with school projects, and extremely hopeful for my upcoming graduation. so now i need to be extremely angry and disappointed and sad?? why now?

then i realized that... why not now? honestly, there is NEVER a good time to find out that someone you love is dying of cancer. so, why not now? when would be an appropriate time?

there is a semi-appropriate time to learn certain life lessons, and that is at the beginning of a new career. throughout my time as a student nurse, i have known that my patients weren't just patients - that they were people with a history and a family and friends. i was told that repeatedly and saw it when i talked with family members. but there's knowing something, and then there's KNOWING something. did i really KNOW it, really understand it? now, with my opa, i am really learning that lesson. to his careproviders, he may be just another cancer patient. but he's my grandpa. every single one of my patients is somebody's grandpa, somebody's mother, somebody's son, daughter, husband, wife. and i knew that, but now i understand it. now is a very good time for me to learn this lesson and i plan to take this with me throughout my nursing career.

beauties

genifer is visiting this weekend and she brought her new macbook which has a lovely little webcam on it. enjoy....

more advice?

a huge thank you to those of you who gave me appliance advice!! this really helps!

i feel i should clarify what i meant by the appliances that "come with the house". we're building the house - there isn't even a hole dug yet. :( so... there aren't any used appliances that actually come with the house. the ones that they sort of suggest are simple models and will be put straight onto the mortgage (which will be adjusted accordingly). or we can say, for example, don't include the washing machine, because i want a front loader, and then we'll buy our own. so, either way, i'm buying all new appliances!! yipeeee! this makes me very excited (when i can forget about the cost).

i am definitely open to more opinions. what do you love? what do you hate?

advice!

yesterday, I worked my very last day of working at a minimum-wage job. it feels really good to be done. the next time i have a job, it will something that's really worth doing (and i'll be making more money in an hour than what i made all morning at the post office. ha!). not that helping people figure out how to mail their international student study permits (and listening to them stumble over the words "xpresspost envelope") or their grad school applications isn't important, because to them at that point in time, it's very important. but selling stamps to people who get angry at me for making the price of stamps go up every year or get upset that i can't get their valentine delivered to a small town in newfoundland by tonight... don't get me wrong - it was wonderful to have a job on campus for the last 3 years. they were so flexible with the schedule, working around my classes, and the people were great. but it sure feels wonderful to know that my university days are almost over.

on a totally different note, i need advice. the latest development with The House is that we are trying to figure out if we want to get the appliances that "come with the house", or do we want to buy our own. they are "lower-end" frigidaire and westinghouse, so they're still good brand names. it's not like they're "e-z-kleen" or something. but they have no bells or whistles.

so.... i want to know. no, i need to know. what do you like about your appliances? what do you hate?

1) fridge?

2) stove? (coils? glass top? will a very old cast iron pan scratch it? convection oven? self-cleaning?)

3) washer? (we are pretty sure that we want front-loading to save energy, water and detergent. but do you really need to use special detergent?)

4) dryer? (stackable washer/dryer? does it matter?)

5) dishwasher? (any opinion?)

advice, people! i need advice!

our new house!

we bought a house! crazy! if you've recently bought a house then you know all about this excitement that we're feeling. oh.... struggling to focus in class whilst i doodle potential furniture layouts, lying in bed at night thinking of how i'll create a rock garden with wild-looking perennials, and having a coffee table littered with paint samples in greens, browns, and oranges. this is what consumes my mind.

our house is actually yet to be build, and it should be ready by the end of june. yup, it's a cookie-cutter house in a new development, but we have no doubt in our minds that we'll make it "ours" pretty quickly.

it's a bi-level with 2 bedrooms upstairs (main floor) and an open concept kitchen/dining/living room with lots of large windows facing south (yeah sunlight! that'll be something new for us!). the lower level is unfinished, which will have enough room for a rec room, laundry/pantry, and 2 more bedrooms. and we have 2 fathers who seem eager to help us finish it out and add on a deck in the back yard.

if you want to know more (ie. location), just call or email me, because i love to talk about OUR NEW HOUSE!